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This layout is about the year since my Dad passed away. Photo is the rose I bought to place next to his urn.

Journaling says:

One year. That’s 365 days or 8,760 hours. Broken down further it’s 525,600 minutes or 31,536,000 seconds. All it takes to change everything is just one second. On June 2, 2009 my family’s lives were forever changed when my Dad passed away. How does one live when a piece of them is missing? Even though he was gone, our lives had to go on.

It was difficult at first. At first it seemed that he was still in the hospital. Our hearts wanted to believe this and pretend it was true, but our minds knew the truth. There were days when I called that I expected to hear his voice on the other end. Sorrow pierced my heart whenever I would see something that he would have liked. It was difficult to watch the shows he liked or listen to the songs he liked. It was tough to watch a Tigers game without remembering how he would cheer and yell at players on the TV. The entire month of June was a challenge because we had to get through both Father’s Day and what would have been my Dad’s 68th birthday.

Slowly the tears tried and the hurt became manageable, but there was always something missing. The holidays were especially challenging. At Thanksgiving my Dad was always the one to carve the turkey. This past year it was left to Mom to do. Since he passed away there was a lot of things that she had to start doing and learn. No one in the family was really looking forward to Christmas. It was strange to go shopping and not have to buy something for Dad. It was by far the worst Christmas I can recall.

Once the holidays passed it seemed that grief subsided some. In February after suffering from several panic attacks where I felt that I was going to die I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety that started after my Dad passed away. It was pretty scary at first because I didn’t know what was going on. Luckily it is easily treated with medication and I have began to feel like my old self. I haven’t suffered an attack in several months but have to be careful to avoid things that can trigger them. It has brought on some lifestyle changes.

Though Dad is gone, I can now look back happily on his life. I can think back to so many happy memories and smile rather than cry. A lot of the guilt I felt after he died of all the things I didn’t get to say has slipped away. Through my faith in God I know my Dad is in a better place and take comfort knowing he is with my Savior. I know I will see him again in heaven. I also take comfort in knowing that he is watching out for me from above.

On June 2, 2010 at 4:30 a.m. I lit a candle to honor Dad’s memory. Next to his urn I placed a single white rose to mark the one year anniversary of his death. It was probably the most difficult year of my life, but looking back I feel that I grew and matured. I cherish every day with my family since I never know when God will call them home. I know when my time on Earth draws to a close, I will see him again and no longer fear that.

I feel that after a year of darkness I can finally see the sun again.

Credits:
-I'm yours by Britt-ish Designs and DeCrow Designs
-My Ribbon jar by Britt-ish Designs
-My {handi}work - flowers by Britt-ish Designs
-Around the world by Britt-ish Designs and Sahlin Studio
-Tack it down by Britt-ish Designs
-In stitches: wacky by Britt-ish Designs
-All for one templates by Britt-ish Designs


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