*sigh* That's my girl... This is why I worry about Trevor, he's got this as an example to learn from.
A diet of only macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, and pancakes apparently equals non-stop energy 24 hours a day.
When I yell, she hears nothing. When I curse under my breath, she hears every single word and repeats to every person we see.
Playing ‘slug bug’ with my husband and then telling her not to hit her brother is called sending mixed signals.
Spaghetti? Easy clean up. Spilled grape juice? No problem. But nothing – nothing ¬– stains your carpet as badly as strawberries and Cheetos.
Keep the telephone locked in the bedroom or she will have hour long conversations with telemarketers at 7am.
Toothpaste can double as hair gel if absolutely necessary. So can maple syrup. And chocolate pudding.
Meat is not a food. Neither are vegetables. Duh.
Insomnia is slightly less irritating when you spend the wee hours of sleepless nights together. Until I fall asleep at the table and she decides that buttons look good glued to my eyebrows.
Never show her how easily Magic Erasers clean up permanent markers on walls. This apparently gives her the okay to do it over and over again, all over the house, because “it cleans easy!”
Letting her push buttons on dishwasher to ‘help out’ = bad idea. She runs it constantly, dirty dishes or not. Because she’s such a good helper.
The 5 second rule only applies to cookies, candy, and anything else containing more than 50mg of sugar. Vegetables? They perish the moment they leave the plate. Meat? It’s over before it began.
Cinderella must be played over and over each day until she can decipher what Gus the mouse is saying. Then she must proceed to speak like said mouse until mom screams.
Anything of value must be trashed, thrown, broken, and obliterated. Meanwhile items of little or no value (hello happy meal toys) must be cherished like gold and carried on her person at all times. Heaven forbid one gets ‘lost’ (happy meal toy meet trash can, trash can meet happy meal toy. Now make nice)
Helium filled balloons do not equal wishes, they cannot be let go, and they are not to be cut up so dad can do oompa-loompa voices. She’s no fun.