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“Step Mom! You gotta c’mere and see this! There’s a turtle in our back yard!” And there was. He wasn’t your typical turtle either. I thought
turtles were supposed to be nervous and hide in their shells. But it turns out... not so much. I figured if I just left him there
Paige would find him and turn him into brunch. So I got a box and went outside. But I did not want to actually touch the turtle. So I
tried to slide the box under him. But he wasn’t really feeling the whole “get in the box” thing. So did he suck into his shell like a good
little conformist turtle? No. No, he did not. He stuck his head out as far as he could and just stared at me. I had myself a Mexican stand off. And he was clearly winning. So, I did what any mature adult would do. I poked him in the butt with a stick. But he liked that even less. The neck I had previously
assumed to be fully extended stretched even closer to me, and then he puffed out his throat. Oh I don’t think so! Who does he think he is? A ninja turtle? By this time I was getting pretty irritated and trying to figure out plan B. The boys were watching this whole power struggle and I could not let them see me lose. So while I was considering my options slowly Paco (That’s what I named him. Paco. Paco the Mexican Turtle.) turned to fully face me. Then very deliberately, without breaking eye contact, he slowly backed up into the box. He was clearly sending me a message. “I do what I want when I want. Period. Don’t mess with the turtle.” Whatever Paco. So then I called Nate’s Mom. “Do turtles bite?” “Huh” “Turtles. Do they bite?” “Well if you pick them up by their shells they can’t reach you. But I had a turtle when I was a kid. They make great pets!” Oh no. “I think we should vote as a family to pick it’s name.”
conversation ends. “Nate... Honey... I have a turtle in a box because it was in the backyard and your mom thinks we should keep it.” google “turtle care”... Turns out turtles are pretty high maintenance. A 40 gallon tank... live fish at least once a week... a sun lamp... 80 degrees for 12 hours during the day...
70 degrees at night... hibernation in the refridgerator.... I don’t think so Paco! So in one day, Paco was captured... ok I guess he surrendered...
named, and released into the river down the road. You got lucky this time, Paco. But you better not
show your face around here again. You just remember... I’ve got a whole yard full of sticks. and this aint over...


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