I never thought about being a mother one day, when I was a kid growing up. I never planned to become a mother. I never wanted to be a mother. I never jumped for joy when I discovered I was going to be a mother. I was scared. I cried myself to sleep most nights of my pregnancy. I was afraid of being a mother. I felt guilty about being pregnant before I was married. But, I knew God had granted me forgiveness. I knew he would help take away my guilt. I knew he would equip me for motherhood. I knew he would bless my marriage and my family; He'd been working on that for eight years already. I knew it was what He wanted for me…even when I couldn't see myself wanting it. I didn't know a child would change me. Completely. Forever. I didn't know I would love being a mother. Every second of it…even the hard parts. I didn't know I would experience a love more unconditional and unwavering than any I'd ever realized before. I didn't know how my heart would soften, deepen, widen…breathe for my children. I didn't know the incredible joy I would experience with every milestone and miraculous moment. I didn't know about the pride I would feel. I didn't know I'd want even more children. I didn't know what a mother knows about being a mother…until I became one. Some women realize the incredible blessings of motherhood before they receive them, and yearn for them. I thank the Lord constantly for insisting on blessing me…when I never…when I didn't…and now that I do.
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September 21, 2007
September 21, 2007
September 21, 2007