1. Unit should be dry, warm and clean before deactivating at night and nap times.
2. It is impossible to set wake up times, these are pre-programmed into the fully automatic unit. Initially the unit will activate three- hourly day and night, but will settle into a pre-determined pattern usually three-hourly during the night and early morning hours.
3. Unit will initially be used in the stationery position and only the Audio Alarm function will work. After a few months the unit will progress to mobile usage when full Alarm Functions can be activated.
CAUTION: Unit may be extremely stinky upon turning on. May cause eye and nose irritation and nose plugging action may be required.
Operating Instructions:
1. Allow unit to fully activate one’s self. Never press power button to activate or owner may activate shrill, whiny alarm.
2. Allow unit to approach operator in a quite manner so as not to wake owner until it is too late. Caution: Unit may induce heart attack upon direct contact with owner. Use at owner’s risk.
3. Weight of unit will vary from one unit to another. Caution: Excessive net weight may cause injury to owner. Will definitely lead to backache, but will never result in toned arms.
4. Allow unit to climb into bed with unsuspecting owner and stand over owner with solid heavy object in hand.
5. Unit will proceed to body slam owner repeatedly until. If owner fails to awaken using the slam alarm option, unit reserves the right to activate poking alarm.
6. When poking alarm is activated, unit will extend poking device and proceed to repeatedly touch owner in most sensitive places: eyes, nostrils, ears, etc. Protective equipment is optional, with facemask highly recommended by manufacturer.
7. If poking alarm fails to waken owner, the unit resorts to audio mode. This shrill audio alarm is omitted at an increasingly deafening decibel level. Audio alarm mode will sound indefinitely until owner awakes.
The manufacturere reserves the right to: - leave the audio alarm on indefinitely. - increase the volume of the unit at any time of day. - activate the unit for use on any unsuspecting sibling, parent, grandparent, or guest in the home.
Notes to add to Lifetime Warranty: - unit and or batteries, cannot be returned for less powerful model. - servicing and re-energising of the unit is sole responsibility of the owner.
The manufacturer is not liable for any injury or damage caused by the unit.
Register your unit online at: [email protected] Complaints: 888-555-5551. Business Hours: 5:15pm-5:17pm. Closed all days ending in 'Y'
Scanner reads: WHINEY-WAKE-UP-CALL
Serial # 003 Suggested Retail Price: Priceless Unit may NEVER be returned No Cash Value
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September 22, 2007
September 22, 2007
September 22, 2007
September 22, 2007
September 22, 2007