Livestream Party!
Join us today at 9:00am PT / 12:00pm ET | Details Here.
×

Cheers

Give a Cheer
Give cheer Give a Cheer
Favorite

ok... had to participate in this journaling challenge over at oscraps... and my goodness, did i *ever* need this release today. i'm sooooo sorry to be so dramtic... my gosh... lol... i just read back over my journaling. it's just been a long week around here and i think it's going to get worse before it gets better. it's official... the roto virus has, once again, set up camp in our house. i'm taking alyssa to the doctor in the morning (which is March 6... exactly 1 year ago TO THE DAY) from when she spent 3 days in the hospital with the roto virus. (We all got it last year too.) sigh... wish me luck.


JOURNALING: My need for structure makes days like today so difficult. I love having everything in working order. I thrive in doing the same thing at the same time each day. It’s as if it gives me something to look forward to. It must be stability of it that I crave. So as I hold her and she continues to whine and hang on me like dead weight, it throws me completely off course. I want nothing in the world more than to bring comfort to her, to help her stop hurting, to bring her back to her lively self. But nothing I do seems to even change her discomfort. Isn’t it like me to feel that it’s my fault. Isn’t it like me to think to myself, “You have no idea what you’re doing.” Yet even though my touch or my lullibies don’t seem to help her, she continues to reach out her arms and lay her head on my shoulder. I must be doing something right. But isn’t it like me to simply think she doesn’t know better. Isn’t is like me to think my role here is not important, that it was not *really* chosen. I’ve learned more about God in the past couple of years than I’ve ever known, and I’m sure I will continue to learn more. But isn’t it like me to question it. Isn’t it like me to entertain that little voice in my head that says “Do you really believe all of this?” I believe because I choose to. I believe because there is life around me to which mine is vital. I belieive because there is somthing inside of me that recognizes Him. And isn’t it like me to follow? Isn’t it like me to turn it into a constant, to depend on that faith and thrive in the stability of it? I sometimes feel like Alyssa does today. He may not always “fix” my problems or hurts, but He loves me through every single one of them. Isn’t that like Him?


Report
SavedRemovedChanged