Thank YOU! It's Customer Appreciation Week!
EXTRA 11% OFF Orders $100+ With Code: THANKYOU
×
Scrapbook.com
Inspiration ⁄ Search: before the pen

Cheers

Give a Cheer
Profile photo
*Tricia*
April 26, 2008

The First Time My Heart Broke

Give cheer Give a Cheer
Favorite

So this LO may be a bit weird because I did it in a fun sort of style and it is about something really sad for me. I just wanted it to match the style of my relationship with my Granddad.

Hidden Journaling reads:

This picture is my favorite that I have of Granddad and I. I think it was taken in the summer of 1981. I love it because you can see so clearly, the love pouring from his face. I meant the world to him and he did to me too.

When Granddad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I didn’t really understand all of the implications of the disease, but I did understand the gravity of the diagnosis. My parents did their best to explain the process for me, but nothing can prepare you for the devastation of going through this with someone you love and admire as much as we did him.

After the diagnosis, his condition worsened readily. He became more forgetful, agitated and aggressive. He wandered off several times and got lost. Not much time passed before the family had to make the difficult decision to institutionalize him as my Grannie could not take proper care of him anymore. I was ten years old at the time and my mother was expecting my sister.

To this day, I still don’t understand why, but he was brought to live in a hospital in Montreal. Because of the distance and my age, it was several months before I was brought to see him. That day, on my first and last visit with my granddad, was the day that my heart was broken for the first time. I remember almost every detail vividly. It was 18 years ago and it still hurts to the point of making me tear up.

He was sitting at a table when we first saw him. We sat down with him. Everything was so cold and clinical. He didn’t remember us or our names. He was filled with concern that he was going to miss his schoolbus and he kept expressing that. The few moments that I was able to sit there, he obsessively and nervously buttoned and unbuttoned the buttons on his shirt. He seemed so vulnerable, like a child. It was all so painful to watch but it was nothing in comparison to the anguish I felt when my mom showed him my newborn sister and introduced her as his granddaughter. He just cried. It was obvious that there was a part of him that understood what was happening. That is the tragedy of Alzheimer’s. If this wasn’t enough for me, it was only then that I truly understood the loss from my new sister’s perspective. She would never be held by him as I was in this picture. She would never get to see his barrage of silly faces and the light that li tup on his face every time he saw her. She would never get to experience his love. It was in that moment that I realized that my sister would have a very different life from mine. I had all my grandparents, she ended up with one. I think it was then that I made a decision that I would always try to compensate for what my sister lost. It made me a way too overbearing sister, which has been a major source of annoyance for her. I just hope that one day she will understand why I always felt such responsibility for her.

Anyhow, that was the last time I saw my Granddad.


layouts scrapbooking
Report

Cheer sent!

Thanks for spreading positivity!

SavedRemovedChanged