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I done this LO for the "Cosmo Crickett Challenge". We had to use the Title of the song "I Saw God Today" as the title of the LO. This Lo was REALLY emotional for me but also very healing in a way. Tks for hosting the challenge Jenny!
Journeling Above The Pick Reads:
I've been to church, I've read the book
I know he's here but I don't look
Near as often as I should (Yeah I know I should)
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today.
Journeling On The Pockett Reads:
He wispered to me through the wind.
He hugged me as I sat in a field of flowers.
He knew just what troubled me most
but manage to make me smile
with the sound of my childs laughter.
And as the day came to a close
I placed a letter to you, Daddy
in the stream out back.
God told me through the sounds
of the birds chirping that he would make sure
the stream carried my letter to you.
Tonight as I kneeled and prayed
I told God thank you for being there for me
in so many ways and promised too open
just not my eyes but my heart
to his presence around me.
In the pockett is the letter to my dad I wrote who died in Nov. of 2002 and I never had the chance to say good-bye too. This lo was my way of finally in a way being able to do that.
The journeling in the letter reads:
Dear Daddy,
Let me start with how so very sorry I am that I was not there when God came to take you to heaven. I know you had no clue where L.J. and I were and you were worried sick about us, assuming the worst. I didn't mean to make you worry and I know I lost the chance to be able to tell you goodbye and bid you your farewell. For this I will never forgive myself. I won't ask for your forgiveness because I still haven't forgiven myself after over 5 years. I don't think I ever will. Your in my thoughts each and every day. I hold you picture close and talk to it each night before I go to bed. I have made some mistakes in my life but this one was and probable will be the worst. I am so sorry I never meant to put you through so much especially in a time when you were already going through alot. I dunno what came over me. I guess I feared what you would think of me for going back to Andy and also getting pregnant by him. Maybe it was pride of not wanting to admit I was wrong and you were right about him. Maybe I didn't want to hear, "I told you so" from everyone else. Maybe it was my emotional state from living in fear that he would come home one night drunk and kill me,L.J. and out unborn child. I am not sure if it was one thing or just a combination of it all but I feel there is just no excuse for finding out that your father has died 4 months after the fact just because you didn't pick up the phone.
I really wish L.J. would have got to know you better. He does ask about you from time to time. He asked me once if it hurt when you died. I told him I wasn't sure. I didn't have the heart to tell him that you were hurting and it was my fault.
You have a grand daughter now. Andy is her dad but she looks and acts just like you, additude and all. Her name is Autumn Starr and she is just so adorable. I can't wait for you to meet her in heaven one day.
I learned from my past mistakes and found me a guy I know you would love. He is so great with the kids and treat me great too. It's so refreshing to finally find someone who holds family as dear as I do. I think this may actually be "the one" Daddy.
Mom isn't doing good. She has been in the hospital twice in the last month. Once by ambulance and they lost her on the way to the hospital. They got her back though and she had to stay in the hospital for over a week that time. She finally quit smoking though I think it has already taking it's toll on her. She misses you so much too. Autumn and her are the best of buds.
I wish you were here. I hope and pray that you are watching down on us all from in heaven. If you were watching toady you would have been so proud. L.J. is learning to ride a bike and was so determine he has about got it. And Autumn being her Lil dare devil self zooming circles round him on her bike with training wheels non the less.
Only god knows how much I miss and love and how so very sorry I am. I wish and pray things could have been different but they are not and that is something I am still trying to get a handle on even after five years.
Till we meet in heaven on that glorious day.
Your Loving Daughter
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