A few people have expressed to me that they didn't quite follow what I meant by my description of the page actually in the book, so since a picture is worth a thousand words, here you go. Hopefully that is clearer.
Also, some weren't able to read the journaling inside, so here it is:
It’s funny, the last few months I’ve found myself having more and more conversations about growing older. As the oldest in our circle of friends, everyone likes to make jokes about how “old” I am. But, when they hit those milestone birthdays and start to question who they are or where they are in their lives, they turn to me. For me, milestones or life changes cause me to turn inward and reflect on myself and my life. It is a time to figure out if any part of me needs fixing or if everything is copasetic.
I’m 36 years old now and I’m finally liking me a lot. In my teens all I thought about was the future, where I would be and when. In my early 20s I was rebelling against all those “old” ideas I’d had… probably because I wasn’t where I thought I would be. At 31, I became a mom. This opened my eyes to a whole new world. I had never experienced the kind of deep, soul love and fear that comes with bearing a child. It was through those new found feelings that I once again went soul searching. And I found, me.
I hadn’t realized that “I” was lost. I thought I was pretty current on my “self maintenance”. But I wasn’t. I just went through life, going to work, playing games, hanging with friends, etc. Heck, I was content most of the time and actually happy a lot of the time. What I didn’t realize, or more likely, what I wouldn’t admit, was that while I liked my life, I didn’t like “me”.
As I began this journey, I thought it was so that I could figure out what I wanted to teach my son as he got older. Who could have known I would be teaching myself something so much more important and through that, raising the kind of son who is so full of love and light as Alyx is and being the kind of mom, wife, friend – no, human being – I always wanted to be.
Now, 5 years have passed and Alyx is entering Kindergarten this year. My experience with most of the women I know is this is a time of sadness and wistfulness. They are sad that their “baby” is growing up and not a baby anymore. For me, that just doesn’t compute. I am so excited to see him grow, to see who he will become and watch him experience every aspect of life! I can’t wait… its incredible to me.
This milestone in his life has got me to thinking again. Now that he is going to “real” school and won’t be home with me all day every day, who am I in relation to that. I’m still his mom, of course. But, my role and how I play it will necessarily change. I think its time to look inside once more. See who I am. See who I will become next.
That’s what this book is all about – Who I am right here, right now. How I got here. What I am doing with this very blessed life that I live! And dream about where I am going next and who I will be when I get there.
So, like the song says, “Take this journey with me to the heart! Can’t you see that this is just the start?”