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Tina Scraps
April 3, 2009

Saying goodbye is hard to do

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For The april "tell it like it is", "very laid back" and "no shopping" challenges. Journaling reads:

Letting go of relationships has always been hard for me. I have never had an easy time saying goodbye, whether its because of the natural evolution of a relationship and growing apart, or specific dysfunction in the relationship. I struggle to maintain the relationship, to hold on to something that can't or shouldn't be maintained, even when the other person has already let go. From my best friend in elementary school, who moved away and developed new friends and new interests, to my best friend in high school, who had personal issues that kept her at a distance, to newer friends I made through scrapbooking, who have distanced themselves from me for reasons I don't even know. I reach out even when I get no response, and then try again later. I continue to reach out until finally even I realize its too late. Ending a close relationship seems so negative, live i've done something wrong, that I am intrinsically a bad person. These feelings stem from my family background, from always feeling like I had to be "good", that i couldn't disappoint someone because they might get angry with me and there could be consequences. Its not easy for me to let people get close to me, especially as I've gotten older, so losing a relationship feels like losing a piece of me. I dread the idea of opening up to new people. Intellectually I realize that its not always about me, sometimes its about the other person; and that sometimes its actually healthier for me if the relationship does end, but its a struggle for me to accept emotionally.


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