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Jilliand
July 11, 2009

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I don't usually journal very much, I'm so bad at it! I don't talk about personal things very often either, but when I came across this photo last night I just had to scrapbook it! I feel that it was really therapeutic to journal about this pic, maybe I'll start journaling a lil more often! :)

I know my writing's a little hard to read because it's so small, so here it is:

Alex, I was just going through your baby photos, which is something that I don't often do. I had postpartum depression during the first few months of your life and had such a hard time bonding with you. When I think about that time in our lives now I feel so guilty. Once I got my mind and life together everything was perfect from then on. You are my world and I couldn't imagine life without you! Looking at your baby photos now, I almost feel like I'm looking at a totally different person because in some ways I feel like I barely knew you back then. Not compared to the way I know you now. I feel like I missed out on enjoying you during that part of your life and for that I am so sorry. Today, when I came across this photo I almost broke down in tears. Even though most wouldn't think that this is your best baby photo, it is now my absolute favorite! You were only a few months old here but the look on your face and in your eyes is the same way you look at me now. I see my wonderful Alex in this photo! The little boy who is the center of my universe, the best thing that has ever happened to me! I am so sorry for how I was during the first part of your life, but I have always and I will always love you. I love you so much my baby boy!


Wew, I feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say about that subject. If I wrote everything I think it would go on for pages! That gets the basic point across though. Thank you so much for looking! :)


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