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Journaling which I folded and hid behind the photo is taken from my blog entry after being in the hospital: What a roller coaster month April has been! Heck, I feel like yesterday it was April Fool's Day and I was thinking I should take a pregnancy test and tell Terry's we were pregnant with a joke. My breasts hurt, everything smelled funky (the house smelled like socks!!!), and I just felt pregnant. The next day I woke up and took the test....POSITIVE!!!! But there was a lot of cramping so I decided to call the doctor who advised that since it was Frirday and there were not any appointments left for the day I should visit the ER. Suddenly everything took a turn from utter excitement to fear and confusion!

At the ER, I explained the situation and the doctor said exactly what I was fearing. Sounds like a possible ectopic pregnancy. They did a urine pregnancy test which came back negative, so they did a blood test which came back with a very low HCG level of only 1. This meant 1)I wasn't very far along, which wasn't very likely as I was 2 weeks late for my period; 2) I was pregnant but there was something wrong, such as an ectopic pregnancy; or 3) something else was wrong. The ordered and ultrasound which showed a mass near the ovary and the doctor concluded it was an ectopic pregnancy. He immediately sent me to anther hospital (I was at the military ER and they do not do that kind of surgery there.) for emergency surgery to have it removed. I was scared to death and devastated. I have always been pro-life and even though I knew that with an ectopic pregnancy there is no way of saving the baby and leaving it there would ultimately kill me, I was devastated knowing I was ultimately ending the life of a child.

We arrived at the hospital and were immediately sent to surgery to be preped for the operation. The doctor came in and was asking about what was going and taking my family history in preparation for the surgery. As I explained my family history of hormonal based cancers, I watched as his face turned from strictly business to concern and he explained that with so much history of cancer in my family, it was possible this was ovarian cancer. He decided it would be in our best interest to delay surgery until morning and run more tests to check for cancer. Ultimately, if it were a tumor and the doctor did not handle the surgery properly, the cancer could spill into my system and spread. He said that if it were an ectopic and it started to rupture the falopian tube, I would be in the hospital where they could do surgery so it was not a problem. Because they were concerned I would need emergency surgery, the military hospital had not allowed me to eat or drink anything all day. As a result I was dehydrated and getting blood was HORRIBLE! I lost track of how many times they had to poke me to put in the IV and get the blood. After three different technicians, they finally were able to get what they needed and I was admitted to the hospital for a long night of waiting.

It is hard for me to put into words how scared I was that night. The thought of having cancer was overwhelming. Imagining my nearly 3 year old daughter watching her mommy battle cancer or worst case scenario, me not being around to watch her grow up. I told Terry he could go home and stay with Kadence but she was safe at our friends house and he could tell I was scared (although he didn't admitt it, I think he was a little scared himself!) so he decided to stay with me. I restlessly slept that night, praying to God that he would bring us good news!

The next morning I was taken for an additional ultrasound where again they could see the mass and a specialist took a look at it. I was sent back to my room to wait for the results. Around 11 am the doctor came in with the news....the best news possible! It was not ectopic, it was not cancer....it was a dermoid cyst. Although painful, it wasn't anything overly serious and could be removed with surgery the next day. Words cannot express how grateful I was! Strange to say I was excited to be having surgery, but ultimately of all the possible results this was the best we could have ever hoped for!

Sunday morning I went into surgery. They had hoped to remove the cyst laproscopically but after attempting this, they discovered the cyst was wrapped around the ovary and was too large to be removed that way so they were forced to open up my stomach and remove the tennis ball sized cyst. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days on pain medication. You do not realize how much you use your stomach muscles until they hurt to be used! While I was healing, Kadence had to go stay in child care, which was probably harder on me than it was on her. I hated to admit that I was not capable of taking care of myself, let along her. However, she LOVED "school" and I was able to rest up. The healing process took a few weeks, especially after I developed an infection in my incision, but soon I was back to chasing Kadence around the house like normal.


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