Steven's handwritten journaling reads: In 39 weeks, I never once thought about what you would look like, only that you would be my child. Waiting in the hospital room while Mommy was being prepared for surgery, my mind was racing, while at the same time I could not focus on a single thought. I just paced back and forth simultaneously praying that you would be healthy, thinking "only a few more minutes to fatherhood" and wondering how we would react when we first met, face to face. Would we recognize each other? Would I upset you if you arrived a bloody mess and I was afraid of you? How could I tell if we were "bonding"? Would you love me? How could I tell? How could I tell what you need when you cry? If I did know what you want, could I help? Screaming infants have always frustrated me. What if you were a crier?
It's been 3 days 1 hour and 40 minutes since you were born. You kept me awake all night crying on your birthday. You cry and I can't figure out what you want or how to help or even how to show you I want to help. Yet, but some miracle, I'm not getting frustrated. I'm I love. I hope, and I think, you are too.
Love, Dad
PS - 9 out of 10 on the APGAR test! Your first A! Way to go, Jonathan!!
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