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Plucky Momo
May 27, 2006

Saying Goodbye

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I was having such a hard time journaling about my Grandfather. I put it off for a long time.

I used editing software to slightly blur everything except our clasped hands so they would stand out. I took this photo exactly at the moment I talk about in the journalling. Journalling is hidden under photo and accessed by untying the ribbon. The journalling was the most difficult I have ever written...it reads:

"Some people have a limited ability to love. My grandpa was one of those people. To some he showed affection, attention and even adoration….but he could not show that love to everyone. My mother was one of the chosen ones…so was my sister. Their memories of him are peppered with secret gifts, special outings, kisses and hugs.

I recall my memories of him and know that I was not someone he felt he could love. There is probably no good reason, but that was how things were. I spent my life feeling forgotten, disapproved of and disliked by him. When others went to visit him in his home I stayed away because of our strained relationship. Then the call came.

After years of poor health Grandpa was back in the hospital and this time he would probably not return home. I went with Matt and little Ella to say goodbye to someone I never really knew, but somehow should have. When we arrived at the hospital he looked old for the first time. I sat there, feeling awkward and silent as he talked with my Mother about the nurses and his doctor. Then he asked me to come closer to him and I instinctively reached for his hand. He squeezed my hand tight. Then he looked at Matt and I and said, “Don’t ever fight with each other…it’s not worth it.” Then he closed his eyes and was silent and as I sat with my young hand holding his old and frail hand our spirits met. It was just a one moment of understanding between two people who never really understood each other. I said, “I love you Grandpa” and he said, “I love you too” and that was the last time we saw each other.

Grandpa died a little over a week later. That day in the hospital was the only moment in my life when Grandpa and I connected. Maybe that was the only moment we needed. Maybe it was enough."

Thanks for looking....I appreciate any comments!


layouts scrapbooking Grandfather Death Black & White Large Medium Clean & Simple Stitching Black White
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