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The journaling is lifted from a blog entry I did a few months ago: I was never one of those girls that dreamt about my wedding or being a mother or setting up house. It was always dreams of saving the world and political stardom and philosophical ponderings. Marrying Justin didn't change that - it was and remains a union with my soulmate, someone who understood my dreams and ambitions, who understood why sometimes I didn't talk for hours because I was working on some thoughts inside and just needed to be quiet. And then I got pregnant, unexpectedly, and for a brief time, shocking and devastating. It had just not occurred to us to think about starting a family and we had so many plans, so many ambitions that did not involve having a child at this point in our lives. That was for sometime in the undefined, amorphous future. Justin adjusted much more quickly than I did and embraced the idea of fatherhood wholly and completely. It took me a little bit longer but eventually I was excited and eager to enter this new stage of our lives.<p>And then I lost that baby. And my life changed instantly. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. To hold a small life in my arms and experience the wonder of being a parent, to partake in the miracle of bringing a new life into the world. And so there was Charlie. You give my life meaning little man.
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