Thank God for scrapbooking. It is catharsis for me. TFL!<p>Journaling reads:</p><p>I want a baby. Bad. Ever since I can remember, I've had a connection with kids. I used to be mistaken for my sister's mom when she was a newborn and I was 11 years old. I used to be notorious for stealing her from her crib for the sole purpose of holding her. I was the designated baby sitter when my parents' friends came over. I was the oldest child and I was the second mom at home. I always thought that I would have a gang of kids of my own one day. This dream has recently come to a halt. In the past few months, I learned that my body may not cooperate well as I'd like. I have PCOS and as much as I've changed my lifestyle with diet and exercise, we've enlisted the help of a fertility specialist. Just today, I underwent a test called an HSG, a dye test which determines if my uterus and fallopian tubes are working fine. I try to stay positive and keep an optimistic attitude, but I have to go with another plan. The preliminary impression of this test is that my right fallopian tube is blocked. I won't lie. The test hurt like hell and now I sit here crying once again, trying to find the positive side of this. Am I really meant to be a mother? Am I meant to have a baby of my own one day? If this is only the beginning, do I want to continue this fertility journey? So many unanswered questions. So little guarantees. One thing is for sure. I will be a mother one way or another. 7/15/05</p>
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