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<p>Journaling: It's been a tough week. I worked four 12 hour shifts and my OB has told me that I have PCOS. I'll let you look that up if you're interested. Basically, I'm a walking syndrome and that I might be infertile if I don't change things because of it. I am insulin resistant and must take some meds to help me utilize insulin better. In other words, my pancreas keeps making insulin because my body doesn't know how to use insulin well. I am fat because of it. No, I'm not diabetic, but I'm on my way if I don't change my lifestyle. I have a goal now. I have to be healthy in order to have a baby. If God truly didn't want me to have kids then so be it. But I have resolved not to feel sorry for myself and live life the way I'm supposed to. I suppose I went through the gamut of emotions and crying and mourning was part of it. I won't bore you with the details. All I can say is that my husband now walks around with a golden halo attached to his head. I've come to terms with the idea that I might not be able to have children. I'm a firm believer in “things happen for a reason” and that maybe God has a different plan for me. Just because I don't have kids right now, doesn't mean I cannot be the best stepmom or the best pediatric nurse I can be. I've moved on and became proactive. The OB wants me to lost weight–lots of it. I've taken her words to heart. I'm so serious that I've given all my chocolate away. I'm so serious that I have been taking long walks in the mornings after work. I'm so serious that I've stopped to look at food labels. I'm so serious that I've rejoined the meat market I call a gym. I'm so serious that I've lost 4.5 pounds. I'm so serious that I've written this in my blog for all to see. It could be that I'm still in shock, but right now, I'm ok with any scenario. My quest is not to have a baby, but to become healthy in the opportunity of one day becoming a mother.</p>Got the journaling from my blog and made this for the Savvy Scrapper DT. Lots of 7Gypsies pp, Plaid foam stamp, Making Memories acrylic paint, SP Purkate font, Chatterbox letter stickers. TFL!
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