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Journaling Reads: I have a huge control issue, why because everything has to be “PERFECT” and what is “Perfect”. I have to be in control at all times in everything I do. Does not make for a good easy flowing life. When I lose control, I usually throw a little or big temper tantrum. My kids just look at me like I lost my mind (at times I think I do), Stan just looks at me like I must be the most childish woman he knows. I have been working on this for so many years, they don’t understand how much better I am now than 30 years ago.This affects my everyday life, since you have very little control of so many issues in life. Each one of my kids affect me a different way, although I love them with every part of my being, they are the best thing in my life and are so wanted. Daniel’s school and his nonchalant way of looking at life (My sister and his father, Help me Lord), nothing ever gets to him everything he does takes him forever to do. And nothing I say is a sweet way or in an angry way ever gets to him. Monica, always trying to make sure I’m happy, she is my best girl, she helps me with everything just so I won’t lose it, sometimes it looks like she is raising me. She is so mature never loses control, always ready for battle but in a no nonsense way she is all I wish I was. Natalie, oh Lord she is a little me, I see the same pattern in her than in me. Her school work has to be “perfect”, her drawers have to be perfect, her room has to be spotless (and Monica is a little pig) so there is the same conflict that my sister and I had. She is so much like me that I need to nip it in the butt now, before is too late. I need to completely let go of all the control issues I have, because ultimately God is in control not me. In reality I have very little control of anything. According to my kids it’s almost 100% better, so that’s a good thing.


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