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GentlewoodFarms
September 2, 2017

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On August 21st, I made the difficult decision to have my mare Dolce put down.

This is the last photo I took of her, after evening feeding the night before the vet came. It was always her and my special "hanging out" time, and the image in her eye is one of trust, but there is also a great deal of pain in it.

She had developed navicular syndrome - which is a degenerative bone disease in the small bone of the heel of the foot - and it had become impossible to keep her comfortable. I tried os-phos injections, but they gave her little to no relief. She went into therapeutic 3 degree wedge shoes, but she could not keep them on her feet. When she pulled one, she was lame for days afterwards. Between July 1 and August 21, she pulled them off three times.

She also had a systemic allergy to chlorophyll. I know. She's a horse, right? She's supposed to eat grass, right? Well, she was horribly allergic to the stuff, and so she pretty much lived on anti-allergy medication and steroids to prevent her from rubbing her neck bloody raw. Between that and the phenylbutazone (horse anti-inflammatory) for her foot pain, she was a walking medicine cabinet.

Which was all ok, until it wasn't. It finally just got to the point where it wasn't fair or ethical to keep asking her to be happy. She wasn't - she was miserable - and it was just too awful to see her hobbling around in pain, rubbing her body on every tree trunk she could find and chewing her legs until they were nothing but bleeding scabs. There wasn't any way to heal her other than to give her a final comforting pat and a carrot before sending her on.

The hardest part of it was that she was the best riding horse I've ever - or will ever - owned. I selected her parents in 2001, with an image of a dressage prospect in mind. She was born on my farm on March 28, 2002. And she became a finished 2nd level dressage horse. I learned so much from owning and riding her.

She was tricky to ride because she was incredibly sensitive, but not very smart, and she worried about every little thing. She anticipated every shifting seat bone or leg brush as an immediate aide and fretted about what you were getting ready to ask her to do and exactly when you were going to ask her to do it. Helping her work through her fears and worries was good for ME. She taught me how to let go and just breathe, how to ride in this moment and quit worrying about what if, and how to follow a feel not only with my leg, but also with my heart. She always gave everything she had and she gave it with all her heart. When I rode her, I understood what it was to fly.

She laid down easily and went peacefully, with a big sigh of relief and trust and love in her eyes until the last moment. I buried her in my upper pasture where I can see her resting place from my kitchen window. And I buried my riding boots with her. It seemed fitting.

I'm so very sad. But I'm also so very relieved. And as always, I am honored to have been able to give her this gift of freedom from pain.

She was a special soul and I know that she's waiting for me on the other side of the bridge, where her feet don't hurt and her skin doesn't itch, and where maybe - just maybe - God gave her a little extra mental capacity so that she can enjoy heaven's fields without being overly worried about all the possible options.

I will truly miss her. Wind to her wings.

~ * ~

For the September Challenges
~ Scrap Your Pet
~ Monthly Sketch Challenge #1
~ Music Inspiration (my color word was Chartreuse)
~ Anything Goes Week 1 Weekly Challenge and Daily Challenge #1 (Refractory Rhyme)
~ Use Your Stamps
~ Hoarders Challenge

I'm pretty sure there are some others. I'm just too tired and sad to think right now.


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