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Cheers
Give a Cheer
Give a Cheer
The photo of my husband lifts up and the journaling reads:
Jeff is an incredible man. He is so understanding, caring and thoughtful. He puts up with my whining and takes over the household chores when I am unable. Even when we were dating, he would take the time to massage my knee’s for me when they just wouldn’t stop aching. He knew what he was getting into, long before we were married, and sometimes I am amazed at how giving he truly is. Ok, and the fact that he still wanted to marry me!
He often jokes with me about my inabilities, teasing that he doesn’t need any kids because he has me. Yes, it sometimes is like being a child. He has had to put my socks on, tie my shoes, pull up my pants, brush my hair and even help me stand. He smiles and makes me laugh through it all. He has been a great strength to me and I am so grateful to have him.
Jeff has adjusted quite well to adapting to my needs. The first time I asked him to put my hair in a ponytail was a bit awkward, but now he can do one with ease. I only put my hair in a ponytail around the house or if I’ll be wearing a hat. I went to him one day and asked him if he could please do it for me. He had this look of dread. He grabbed all my hair with one quick swoop, ignoring the hairbrush in my hand, and tied the elastic around it. He asked if I was wearing a hat and I told him yes, don’t worry about how it looks, it will be covered. The second time I asked, he did a quick brush job and by the third time, I was the one telling him not to worry about how it looks, it was just going to be covered. He was taking his time, brushing it all out smooth, making it look perfect….hehehe. His ponytail skills would make any mom proud!
He also has the ability to think fast and adjust to my unpredictable needs. I say unpredictable because with arthritis, you never know what you will wake up with. During my bad spell last fall, I was having a really hard time sitting and standing, especially getting off the couch. Trying to get up off the couch usually meant swinging my body back and forth a few times to muster up the strength and then throwing my body weight forward to pick myself up. Sadly, there were times when I would get halfway up and lose the strength only to land back on my butt. Being the wise man he is, he had observed my failed dismounts while sitting beside me. Thus I was surprised during one of my attempts to feel his hand on my butt, hoisting me to a stand position. I burst out laughing because it was so unexpected and frankly, very needed!
I’m not sure what I would do without this man. He’s always fixing or adjusting something to make it ‘Danea friendly’. I couldn’t have found a greater man! Thank you sweetie, for being so wonderful.
Last is a mini book and it reads:
While taking the time to write the journaling for this album and telling stories about growing up with arthritis, I realized how it could read that my childhood was ruff. It might make some feel sad or even pity for me, but that is not my intent. I purely wanted to share my experiences as I lived them. I am happy with my life. Sure there are times when I wish I didn’t have this disease knowing that, there is the possibility that I could be doing so much more and working full time. Luckily I am in a spot right now that I can, and I am, doing what I love. Being creative. Jeff says “ God gave you arthritis to slow your creativity down and keep you grounded.” Working on my own schedule has been great. Maybe not money wise, but I can work around my physical limitations better.
I also don’t want to paint this false picture that I have always been happy and excepting of who I am. This is not true. I have had times where I have become depressed over my limitations and pain. Once, it was so bad I didn’t know how I could go on. How was I ever going to have a happy, successful life when brushing my teeth would bring me to tears? These low points never lasted long though. I guess I knew I could get through it and when the pain gets unbearable, there are meds to fix it. Unlike some, I can’t stand to take the drugs and maybe it’s my own fault, but would I let the pain get bad before I would give in.
I think growing up surrounded by healthy people clouded my physical perceptions a bit. It wasn’t until my 20’s that I realized I had to start reading the signs. I think those close to me forget sometimes also. It’s the little things like being teased that I sleep so much, well yes I do, and I have a chronic illness, that even I couldn‘t seem to understand. I think I was so used to the attitude of not letting it stop me, that I wasn’t being realistic. Then when there was something I couldn’t do, it would hit me hard, like I had failed. I finally had to sit down and rethink things. My life didn’t have to be all or nothing. I was making myself depressed with the high expectations I put on myself and couldn’t accomplish. It wasn’t easy, admitting to myself that there were things that I just wouldn’t be able to do, things that wouldn’t be easy to do, and that was ok. Now I compromise. I give myself smaller goals and learn to listen to my body and how I feel. I have accepted that and I am much happier for it.
Humility and acceptance seem to go hand in hand. I have had friends and family cut my food, I have knocked on a neighbors door to open a bottle of nail polish for me. Hey, when a girls wants her nails done, a girl wants her nails done! And I have even asked a total stranger to button my pants in a restroom. These of course are last resorts if I can’t find another ingenious way of doing something for myself. I adapt and use what I have. This includes my teeth. I open bottles, bags, boxes and all kinds of lids with them. Even peanuts. When I was a nanny for Cali, we would sit and eat shelled peanuts. She was about three and I would crack them open with my teeth. Catherine told me that couple days later she saw Cali using her teeth also and when asked why she responded, “this is how Danea does it.” So maybe this was not a good thing to teach a little girl but we explained to her why I did it and that she didn’t need to. There were times I had to laugh when I found myself handing a four year old a jar to open for me. But like I said, you do what you gotta do. Including getting redressed in tears at a department store wearing a one piece bathing suit that is suck around your hips, running the risk of being charged with theft, to go find your husband to help you get it off. That’s correct, I got this thing on, barely (that should have been the flashing red warning light and siren right there) and couldn’t get it off. I twisted, pulled, hopped and after about 15 minutes and a few tears, I decided the only way out was to get help. As it turns out, I couldn’t find him so in desperation I went and tried again. By the grace of God, I broke free! That was one of the most triumphant moments of my life! Jeff couldn’t figure where I had been the past 45 minutes and I was laughing and crying when I told him the story. I did learn a valuable lesson through this. No matter how big or saggy I get, I will always be wearing a two piece bathing suit!
Bullies, I’ve had my share, but they were few and far between. I think I was pretty lucky actually because looking back at my pictures in junior high, I would have had a hard time not teasing me! Really though, I stood my ground and sometimes dealt without thinking. I’ve never been too quick in responding to rude behavior or comments directed at me. They usually leave me in shock and I don’t think of witty comebacks until the next day. But there have been a few times where a reaction just happened, and not always the wisest of reactions.
It was Home Economics Class. And I was in the tenth grade. It was only a few minutes before the bell and I was gathered at one side of the room at a table with some girls looking a photos. I was standing behind some seated girls, when I glanced up and saw Trina. Trina was a tuff girl, the kind that always carried her black leather, fringed purse to class, wore too much black eyeliner, hung out in the smoke pit between each classes and was known to kick butt if she had too She wasn’t someone I had much to do with. I didn’t dislike her, we just didn’t associate.
Trina was sitting across the room with one of her friends. She leaned in to the girl, looked at me and whispered. Then she pulled her chin back into her neck (making fun of the fact that I was lacking one) and started laughing. I was suddenly filled with anger and as if to taunt me, she looked me in the eyes and did it again!
I don’t know what came over me. I found myself looking at my hand, four fingernails to be exact. All except for one, that finger, I saw in complete detail, my fingerprint, each curved and swaying line, and just beyond that extended middle finger, I saw Trina’s face come into focus. She was no longer laughing and pulling her chin in. Instead her mouth was open and her eye’s were wide. BAM, that’s when reality hit me and my arm snapped back to my side. What had I just done?! A sudden and overwhelming fear swept through my body. I had just flipped off a girl that could kick my butt with both hands tied behind her back! I quickly glance around and discovered that nobody except Trina and myself saw what had happened. That is when I decided to play it cool and pretend I was confident. I had to look strong and not like I was about to wet my pants. I figured that I had about 40 seconds to plan my escape and since the classroom had a door at each end, I could easily make it out the back one. If I kept in a pack of girls, it could buy me time to make it to my locker and find some backup. 12 more seconds. Maybe I could beg her, surely she wouldn’t hit me knowing I was defenseless? 3 seconds. If all else fails I will scream and run.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I glanced to see if she was headed my way. But wait, what was this I saw? Trina leaped to her feet and bolted out the front door faster than Flo Jo on steriods. In fact she wasn’t even in the hallway seconds later.
Hmmm, I have always wondered what went through her mind. She was never mean to me again, in fact when need be, she was quite polite. Could it possibly be that those last few moments in class were torture on her too? Had she been sitting there in fear like I was? I guess I’ll never know why she ran, and I was definitely not going to ask her. As far as I was concerned, I had survived a brush with death and was just going to be thankful!
Insecurities
I have my share of physical insecurities. My biggest ones being my feet. I never used to go anywhere without socks on. I would be so embarrassed if anyone saw my toes. I’m much braver now. I even wore some flip flops this summer when Jeff and I ran into McDonalds. This was a big deal to me even though I’m sure nobody even noticed.
Strangely I’ve never been too insecure about my hands. If I was, I could always tuck them in my pockets, but my biggest insecurity is one that still bothers me everyday and it’s something I can’t hide. My chin. I don’t expect anyone to understand how much this one thing effects me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. I’ve been told I’m silly and don’t need a chin implant but all I can do is smile, because I don’t feel what others see. Too many years of being stared at I guess. I also know that the world does judge on looks, it’s sad but true.
Boys never gave me the time of day. I had male friends but never any boyfriends. I remember when I was fifteen being a friends party. I walked into the kitchen, and one of the older popular boys told me I was ugly. He said it in front of his friends and they all laughed. It hurt but I just walked away. I didn’t know them so I just let it pass. I was sixteen when I had my jaw surgery. As it happened, I didn’t get the implants at that time and instead the doctor shaved the tip of my chin bone and wired it out as a temporary option. He told me it would eventually fall back, and it has. About 2 weeks after the surgery a bunch of friends showed up at my door and said they were taking me out to the movies. It was my first venture out of the house since the operation and I was a bit nervous. As we were walking out of the theater a car full of boys pulled up beside us and one boy stuck his head out of the window and said to me, “Hey beautiful, what’s your name?” I just kept walking. I was filled with mixed emotion but mostly anger. Strange that it would be anger, but as I sat in the back gazing out the window, I couldn’t help but think that this boy would never have given me the time of day only two weeks ago. In fact he may have teased me instead? So I learnt first hand how looks can play a big part of how people see you. Is this why I still want my chin done today? Nope, now it is just for me. I am happily married to a man who thinks I’m perfect the way I am. Maybe some of it is the little girl in me? All I know is that it’s my face, it’s the first thing people see, and I want it to match how I feel inside.
I hope you have enjoyed your look into my life. Well my life with Arthritis that is. The rest of my life is a whole other album. I had so much fun remembering all these stories. There is probably so much more I could say too. I’m lucky to have such a supportive family. I’m lucky to have such a loving husband and I’m lucky to have this opportunity to share this book with anyone who wants to read it.
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If you took the time to read my album, thank you sooo much. I truly injoyed making it and hope to share my story with anyone who may be interested!
Danea
No products have been added to this project.
Thanks for spreading positivity!
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