This was such a hard layout to do, but I am pleased with how it turned out. I really wanted to document this part of my life. Thank you for looking.
I have always had a love/hate relationship with the word CHANGE and so when it occurs I fight it until I absolutely must ‘roll with the punches’ I imagine it will bring. Unfortunately I have been tested once again this year with the challenge of CHANGE. Somehow I know the results will be worth the process but I still found myself avoiding the step in that direction. After several doctor’s appointments and hospital visits to the ER (not to mention bills upon bills), I was forced to see what was going on with me. I was having regular panic attacks brought on by anxiety. Now, as far as I was concerned I don’t have anxiety or panic attacks. I am always in control of myself and if something was wrong in my body, it was to do with my heart or muscles. However, the tests and x-rays kept proving me wrong. After having hot/cold flashes mixed with fear and heart racing, I had to face my dilemma. Yes, it has been extremely embarrassing and it has been also quite the blow to my pride. Not many in my family are aware of this problem because I’m still coming to terms with it myself. Upon a tearful conversation (well many actually) with my mom, I decided to get medical help with pills and some reading material. Whether it was fate, I don’t know, but I came upon a book called “From Panic To Power” by Lucinda Bassett and all of a sudden, within the first few pages, I understood what was going on. Not only did I understand but also hope came with this new knowledge. I wasn’t going crazy and this problem was fixable. There was light for me at the end of the tunnel. My spirits have lifted, and I am taking one day at a time. I want to be better. I want to change my way of thinking that led to a lot of my anxiety. I want to live in the moment. I want to mature and recognize myself in happiness and fun. I don’t want my family of husband to worry about me. I want to feel and know I can do whatever I want to and fear is not going to stop me from it. I want to be fulfilled in life and take risks without the excessive worries. I want to be free. Lucinda Bassett in her book says ‘You are on the verge of change’, and I want to, for one of the first times in my life, CHANGE. I know it won’t be easy, but I know I can do it, and this time I’m positive it will be for the better.
Bazzill: Black/Green Cardstock, Brown Library Envelope, Blue Big Brads
Basic Grey: Urban Couture Paper, Rub-ons, Sticker Letters, Chipboard Tag
Heidi Swapp: Ghost Flowers, Pink Jewels, Green & Pink Paint, Chipboard Letters
Other: Ranger Ink, MM Date Stamp