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Currently my favorite layout--Journaling: Jocelyn, I know I get frustrated with you, but you really are much more challenging than you sister ever was. You are constantly screaming for no apparent reason. You anger easily and throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat. You get into every single nook and cranny you can find. Your “adventures” always end in some sort of bodily injury—falling off something you shouldn’t have been climbing, fingers caught in some drawer you shouldn’t be in—and loud wails. There’s not a meal that doesn’t end up with food thrown all over the kitchen and rubbed into your hair. I’m always losing work when you sneak under my desk and turn off the computer just when I’m least suspecting it. And you just can’t play for any length of time by yourself, constantly gripping my leg and crying for attention. Despite all this, there are at least a couple times a day when the slate is wiped clean no matter what mischief you’ve caused or how frustrated I got with you.

The first is when I come pick you up at noon from Sabira’s house. I speed all the way from work where I’ve missed you all morning, eager take you home. You are so overjoyed to see me and come rushing over for a big hug. Then you wave goodbye to Sabira as you grab my hand and pull me towards the door. I know she has taken good care of you for the past 3 hours, and that your eagerness to go is just because you are so happy to see me. You make me feel so loved and appreciated.

The other time is whenever I put you down to sleep. I can’t help but give you a big squeeze when I carry you to your crib. You’re always so happy to go for a nap or to bed for the night. You rub your face into your blanket and point to your crib toy, indicating you’d like to fall asleep to the music. I especially love to watch you sleep. You look so sweet and peaceful with your little chest rising and falling. I love that sleepy, dozy look when I get you up too. You are especially cuddly and affectionate when you are still waking up.

It never fails. These are two times each day where I am guaranteed to melt. When I suddenly remember what a precious gift you are. When I think that you are the most perfect, angelic child any mother could want. When I know for certain that I am the luckiest woman alive. When I vow to be a more patient mom because you deserve the best I can give. Anything that happened before this moment is forgotten. All is forgiven.


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