Wow, this is amazing, it brought tears to my eyes, especially that last paragraph! This reminds me of when I was a kid ... I used to beg my dad to blow smoke circles and he always did. Then I learned about smoking and Smokey the bear and I remember begging him to quit. He finally did ... well, not sure he ever completely did but he cut down, didn't smoke in the house, etc. Then my grandpa died 7 years ago and he started up again .. still not around my mom or us all that much. This past year he had a heart attack and was air-lifted to the city I now live in. He lived and he quit. I am so proud of him. Actually, after typing all of this, I think I will scraplift you and do a layout of HIM ... thank you!
Way to go! I know how hard it is to quit.... i smoked for 42 years until i could no longer walk across the house without oxygen... i waited too long. Now i watch my kids and grandkids having a good time playing or walking on the beach and i mourn my lungs which i betrayed with my weakness. Good for you. The LO is wonderful.
OMG, Amanda. This brought tears to my eyes. What a story!!!! The journaling is incredible and I applaud you for exposing yourself and your struggle. Congratulations on quitting, and good luck staying that way. I know you can do it, girl! You have the motivation!! Perfect frame and font choice, too, BTW. LOVE it!!!!
I have been an admirer of your work for some time now and just recently joined the site. I had to go back and mark this as one of my faves. The honesty in this page is so amazing. Thanks for the inspiration!
WOW. Your journaling was amazing. The last part made me cry. I've never smoked a day in my life, but my hubby does and I see the effects that it has on them. I'm so getting him to read this when he gets home. Thank you so much for sharing!
Your journaling is beautiful and so heartfelt...I teared...especially at all the confessions you made to seek forgiveness from your child. Wow...I remember I started smoking at age 12 right after my mother passed away and it wasn't until I gave my life to Jesus at age 25, that I was literally through with smoking. I remember pleading to God to give me strength to quit. And He did. I know everyone has their own battles and I'm proud of you that you are doing the best you can to kick the habit. Love your LO by the way!
This is totally amazing! Gage will look back on this page, and I bet it will mean so much to him! You can tell how much you love him, and exposing yourself like that to him is so awesome--You are a cool mom!! Good luck with quitting, and keep going!!
Oh wow...this gives my stomach butterflies. I am amazed and inspired by this LO, your gut wrenching journaling and your very open thoughts and honesty about smoking! The last paragraph of apologies rang true...I have vivid memories of my mom smoking and how it made ME feel. It would mean the world to have her apologize to me like that - even now that I am a grown woman. This is excellent work! Totally perfect in every way! You're awesome!
WoW this totally brought tears to my eyes. I am a reformed smoker myself...2 years come next month I've been smoke free. My husband still smokes (maybe one day) and my in laws etc but i've been standing strong in my resolve not to. Its a daily battle when you have an addiction of any kind and especially hard in the moments of stress and anxiety BUT YOU CAN DO IT! Anytime you feel your resolve weaken pull out this layout and reread what you wrote. It will give you the strength to carry on and persevere. There is NOTHING like the devotion of a mothers love, that in itself will give you strength.
oh! this really is such a touching message. My dad is a very heavy smoker...always has been. Even after is 1st stroke a month ago with no desire to stop or feelings of regret...this was wonderful. Congrats on 8 days it is a great accomplishment!!! Big Hugs for you!
As the daughter of two smokers, this page brings tears to my eyes... Keep it up! Your Gage will thank you beyond your wildest dreams! Your openness is inspiring and I pray it will encourage other smokers!!! Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart!
Amanda... the open heart is what is most captivating here. To trust something to personal and challenging with this community... wow, you must feel really embraced. To know that you have inspired so many people in not just the arena of scrapbooking must feel like a total privilege. We always wonder why the Lord puts certain thorns in our side... it's always so we can trust in Him and give Him all the glory. Someone has read this and will quit smoking and add years to their lives because you had the courage to not only to do this, but then to share it. God bless you!
Congratulations on quitting! Hang in there...I have a positive story for you as a little inspiration. My father has also smoked since he was very young (not sure on the exact age) and it has always bothered me horribly. I hated smelling like smoke because I was around him, I hated that he was hurting himself and I hated that he smoked around the rest of my family. Anyway, I told him I wanted to help him in any way I could, so we came up with a contest, which goes like this. If he quit smoking...he picked my birthday...he could come up with something for me to give up or do that would be equally or comparably as difficult. This is what he came up with...that if he quit smoking I could not go out to eat for one year, starting on my birthday. My birthday was April 19th and he has not had a cigarette since, nor have I gone out to eat. This can be very difficult...especially when I am out of town, but it is so worth it. I am keeping my fingers crossed and he is doing so well!! So again good job!! This was such a beautiful letter to your child.
Beautiful, everything about it. I love the mended frame...when I can, I will have to pick it up because I have a perfect use for it. I've been admiring your stuff from a distance with a maxed-out card...(that could be a whole page of journaling about my own past addictions). I *admire you so much* for what you have written & what you have done. Have you read this to Gage? I've always been amazed at *how much forgiveness* our children will give us; it's boundless & given willingly...they know when we need it the most.
This is so meaningful, so powerful, so emotional, and so encouraging. Thanks you SO much for sharing this. And all the best to you as your follow your choice of healthier options for you and your family. A tremedous challenge to say the least, but now you have your family, friends, and this beautiful heartfelt work of yours to remind you of your comittment. Congratulations on taking hte first step. Best wishes that everyday becomes a little bit easier!
Blooming good work! Health issues or not, smoking STINKS, very bad, and how anybody ever could think it cool is beyond me. How strong of you! Bet you'll love having your tastebuds back too. Great idea to scrapbook this.
What wonderful heartfelt journaling! Good for you for being able to quit and you can do it! I to this day know the number of years it has been since my parents quit. I used to be like your son and bug them about it constantly. It wasn't til I was out on my own that they were finally able to do it and stick to it. Back then they put away the $10 a carton/weekly it cost and used it to buy something fun or something they needed when it added up. Thinking of it that way helps I think 'cuz it was money up in smoke before. Good luck!
oh goodness, girl. this is so powerful. good for you. what an inspirational layout for yourself, your son (when he's older too), and any person on this earth who takes the minute to read it. Absolutely stunning, heartfelt, and powerful. I teared up in the last bit too, as I think we can all relate to making mistakes that affect our children. Those are the worst ones. Wonderful, amazing work. And, as a side note, my co-worker's husband, who has smoked for over 50 years quit cold turkey with that medicine, and he is on his 7th week. What a wonder drug!!! ((hugs)) Keep going. You can do it!!! ((more hugs.)) b
Hey Amanda, this page put a tear in my eye. Your journaling is just so honest and totally from your heart. God will give you the strength to kick this addiction!!!! I used to be a smoker, for 7 yrs and have now been smoke free for almost 4 months. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
*sniff sniff* omg Amanda!! This is amazing. Your journaling is so well written, and so straight from the heart. I've never smoked but I grew up with parents that did, and I was in Gage's shoes. We heard bad things at school, on TV, radio, etc about smoking and I pleaded with my mom every day. She quit, eventually. But that last paragraph that you wrote to him is going to mean soooo much to him someday. Wow!
oh my oh my.....wonderful job Amanda. This is so profound and heartfelt....I shed a tear for you and hope that this your time to finally kick that aweful addiction.....keep on goin sister, you can do it!!!!!
Amanda, I first of all want to say that I am very proud of you for quitting. I am not the smoker in my family (my husband is) but I sure can sympathize with this layout. I want so much for him to "get" what you seem to have gotten already. Thank you so much for sharing this layout with us. This is very heartfelt and dear to me and my family.
Amanda, I can't believe how much I can relate to this. I myself was a full blown smoker at 14 and can easily "feel" everything you said. I especially love the end, because more than the addiction, I felt like the guilt was worse. Congrats to you for quitting. I know it's a hard addiction to overcome. I made it... I have been a non smoker for 8 months now and I have never felt better, but most importantly my boys are super proud and that is the best feeling you can have. Good luck to you..... oh and the layout rocks as usual!!! Into my faves!!
WOW amanda you are an inspiration. you are brave being so honest. i have a layout that i wanted to do about myself but never did it coz there is this denying feeling but in fact it is true. go girl!
Oh, Amanda! That was amazing. You really have a way with words. I was also tearing up at the last paragraph. I felt like I was on the brink of bawling! You're SO strong. You will be in my prayers EVERY day. I know you can do this. Thank you SO much for posting this fantastic LO... love how you put the title behind. :)
WOW!!! This may be my inspiration to quit......(guess i just divulged my secret) and I hope and pray that I can find the strength to quit just like you did. I need to look into those meds....tried the patch and even quit for about 6 months before but now....i understand. I always say I will quit when I have kids but now....must begin the challenge! Thanks for sharing girl!!! You are too sweet!!!
Congrats that you stopped! Hang in there. Good journalling, very nice document for him and I hope it was a good sort of therapy for you writing this. Like the way you styled it.
Awesome, A!!! Stick with it! Keep 1 Cor 10:13 close by for when you are tempted to start again: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man, and God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear but when you are tempted He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." You can do this!!! I am so proud of you!!! <hugs>
I cried when I read your last column too because I went through the same thing. I loved this - I love your los that focus so much on the journaling - they're just awesome - you're such an inspiration! Keep up to good work - on your los and on being smoke free!
Wow, Amanda. I'm tearing up as well. I was on the opposite side of this w/my Mom smoking. Congrats on being strong enough to finally quit. I'm very proud of you & proud of you for putting yourself out there. You are one rockin' woman! :D
This brought tears to my eyes. Your kids as they grow will love you more, for your honesty and expressing to them your struggles, your failures and your victories. I absolutely love reading all of your journaling. I will be praying for God to continue giving you strength and everything you need in order to continue and win this battle, and you will!
Great journaling and great that you stoped smoking. I stoped smoking over six years ago and I am still very happy that I lost that addiction. So good luck to you with moving towards your smokefree future.
there are seriously few times when i sit on the other side of this screen and feel utterly speechless, now is one of those times. your amazing honesty with gage is such an amazing quality you have........ and your words here - did I say speechless..... I am proud that you have made this decision and will think of you often as you continue down this path!
Oh Amanda...this is INSPIRING! I am truly inspired. I have never smoked (my grandfather was a smoker and I was always afraid to start since I saw the smoking take his life). But I eat. I eat for all of the reasons that you smoke and you have really inspired me! I am going to make a layout like this and declare to my family that I quit! Thanks girl!
Oh Amanda, you are so wonderful! You can do it! I have high blood pressure and have to eat right and exercise to stay off of medicine. I am determined to do this for my children, and I know you can do what you need to for your family. You can do it! Keep in prayer and stay determined to do what is right. Your body will adjust and your strength will increase as you remember your loved ones and what it means to them! God bless you in your efforts! Thanks for sharing your heart!
Wow, this is amazing! Your journaling is so sincere and straight from the heart. After watching my MIL battle lung cancer for a year (due to a lifetime of smoking), I can only say "kudos" to you!! This will mean SO much to your kids!! What a truly inspiring LO. You can do this. I know you can. You'll be in my prayers!
Wow...I am so impressed, that you wrote it and posted it. What a great gift for your kids. He will appreciate this so much. Good luck! I'll keep you in my prayers!
This is brave to talk about and I love that it is written to Gage and that you have taken his fears and thoughts about this along the way into consideration.. he will be so grateful to have this someday and Alyssa will be so proud that this doen't have to be part of her image of you. Good for you and Will!! I really find your words inspiring and motivating for all kinds things we all deal with and I am so glad you put this out there.. nt just so we could share in your victory and talent ;) but so hopefully someone will see this who needs to see it. I loved your "apologies" to Gage they are so honest and hearfelt I am so moved Amanda. Your doing it and I am so happy for your family!
OH my goodness Amanda!!!!!! First of all, how brave of you to let us in on such a personal part of your life....wow...I'm very teary-eyed right now. You poured your heart out in this and shared it for all of us to read...if I didn't live sooo far away I'd have to come over and hug you right now!!! Keep it up.....I can't imagine what it's been like, but I'm behind you all the way. Good Luck!!!
WOW! Ok, first of all you are so brave to post this and I thank you for sharing it with us! Stay strong for Gage and I think someday when he reads this he will know for sure how much you really do love him! This is amazing journaling and I love the way you put the title kind of blended in and behind the text. Love that mended pic too! Gosh, I bet you feel so relieved to have this one done! Way to go, A!!!!
Wow...double WOW. I didn't intend to get on sb.c, but then I saw the thumbnail for this one and had to peek. HOW AMAZING! I don't judge you one bit. I can't imagine having to give up any one craving that I have. If I had to give up TEA or CHOCOLATE because it was *bad* for me, I'd die for sure! What an awesome design too. When I ever get back to scrapping I'm dying to use some more of your stuff!!!!!
ok, wow... this was a **really** hard one to do... especially that last column of journaling... i cried like a baby while i was typing it. whew. (...was even harder to post... i feel all exposed.) anyway... just a little letter to my sweet gage...
JOURNALING: It’s been almost 19 years since I tried that first cigarette. Please note here that I was 13 years old. Everyone in my family smoked, (including my very cool and popular older sister)… everyone at school smoked… it just seemed natural. I was a full-blown smoker by age 14 and was allowed to smoke in front of my parents by age 15. Don’t think badly of them… smoking back then wasn’t near as big a deal as it is today. The health problems associated with it were just coming to surface… there wasn’t even an age requirement to buy them… it just wasn’t a huge issue. Anyway… I could have quit at any time then. I even did quit for almost a year during my senior year in high school, but I had huge plans at that time that didn’t quite pan out the way I thought… so out of sheer rebellion, I started back. But as the years went by and more and more “breaking news” surfaced, the more I realized that I had a big problem… but not necessarily the one you may be thinking of. You see… my “big problem” wasn’t so much that I was addicted… it was that I LOVED to smoke. I felt grown up, I felt accepted, and I LOVED having an “action” to perform when I was stressed out or upset… it just put closure to it… I could then relax. I justified it in so many ways. I didn’t do drugs, I got good grades, I worked hard, I didn’t get into trouble… if smoking cigarettes was the worst thing I did… I wasn’t too bad off.
So… your dad and I knew it was time. We tried (again) last year to quit… cold turkey… lasted for 46 days. We were both miserable the ENTIRE time. It was awful. I was literally mad at how hard it was. We hung in there for as long as we could. But low and behold… as life would have it… stressful circumstances crept in and we broke like twigs. Gage… you were devastated. You were so proud of us for quitting and the day I had to confess to you that we had started back probably marked my lowest point ever as your mom. So, here we are a year later. Nana told us about this new "quitting smoking" drug called Chantix. Dad tried it first. He shelled out $130 bucks for it (hardly the cost of a month’s worth of cigarettes) and gave it a go. Within 2 weeks, he was down to 3 cigarettes a day… another week went by and he had quit altogether. He is now in his 8th smoke-free week. I was getting lonesome going outside all by myself to smoke, and was actually intrigued at how easily he seemed to be resisting. So I started taking it… within 2 weeks, I was down to 3 a day and a week and ½ later, I quit. I am now on my 8th smoke-free day and I must say that I have literally not looked back. I have high hopes and pray on a daily basis that God will continue to strengthen me to win this battle. I know 8 days doesn’t seem like much… but after 19 years… to a creature of habit, like myself… that is huge.
So... please let me say... I’m sorry… for every time I went outside to smoke when you wanted to just keep playing. I’m sorry for every cigarette I smoked while I was pregnant. I’m sorry for every time I smelled like smoke when you hugged me. I’m sorry for every second I set the example that such addictive behavior was okay. I’m sorry for every time you heard at school that smoking kills people and you thought of me and worried. I’m sorry for every time I blew you off when you tried to warn me. I’m sorry for each time you saw me smoke after your warning and wondered if I just didn’t love you enough. I’m sorry for the years I have probably already taken off of my life that can’t be reversed. I’m sorry for some of the things I wasn’t able to buy for you because of the expense of my addiction. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.
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